We’re so close to the December holidays and the start of 2025! The time just keeps speeding up somehow. Your college-age kids will most likely be home soon if they aren’t already and your younger kids will be getting a nice break. Chances are good, everyone is a little squirrely right now!
For those of you awaiting the arrival of your college students, particularly the ones who are coming home after their first semester, here are a few words to consider:
1. They will be glad to be home and happy to see you but they have also been living on their own at school. Be prepared that they may not want to do everything with you if they have friends in the area. They also may sleep a lot or not be really talkative. Home is where they can recharge after a busy semester. Let go of expectations and roll with what they bring you while not taking it personally.
2. Ask them about classes but don’t offer a ton of advice unless they ask. If a grade wasn’t what they wanted (or what you expected), ask them what they learned and how they’d do it differently next time. Find out what they are excited about next semester, both in the classroom and outside.
3. Setting a curfew is probably not a great idea since these kids are used to not having one. That being said, it’s common courtesy that they tell you approximately when (or if!) they’ll be coming home so you don’t worry. Have that discussion ahead of time.
4. It’s still your house and they do need to clean up after themselves, no matter how they live at college. If you gently remind and enforce that, everyone will be happier.
5. Plan a few non-negotiable, device-free family events (dinners, holiday events, a volunteer opportunity, a tradition you always have) and tell your kid in advance so it can be planned around. Make it clear that you want them to see their friends but that you also need some time with them.
Winter break can be hard on the younger siblings of college kids too; they might be super excited to see their brother or sister and then feel like they were rejected a little. Or maybe they liked having the house to themselves and now they have to share again! Either way, it’s a good idea to prepare them before their sibling comes home by talking about what the “reintegration” might look and feel like for everyone.
Are your kids in middle or high school only? You could plan some activities like I mentioned in #5 above as well as talk about phone/device use over the break. It isn’t relaxing to their developing brains to spend every waking moment on a school break staring at a phone and being constantly stimulated by content that may not be appropriate or helpful. Set and enforce some limits around device use while also providing them some alternatives. It isn’t helpful to say “Get off your phone!” and then not introduce some other activity that might capture their attention. Allow and encourage them to have some face-to-face contact by having friends over or going to a youth event and have family time that is meaningful.
Wishing you and yours the holiday you need and want. XOXO